Rehab
by CharlieMusgron
Summary: title pretty much says it all. Ashley goes to rehab to salvage the relationship...and as if you didn't already know, it contains some Spashley goodness, and drama.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- hey you guys. I'm back!. lol. writers block keeps popping in, but I decided to post this up, there's two more chapters already written, and I'm attempting to continue, but I decided to jus post it now, reviews are always nice :)**

**more joyous shouts and dedication to me rockstar :)**

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ASHLEY'S POV

Ashley Davies; Rock star. Party girl.

That's all I was to anyone now.

But that wasn't me.

Not anymore.

Why?, because of a girl.

Because of Spencer Carlin.

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_After about four months of dating, Spencer looks over at me, "I think I'm falling."_

_I tried to keep it together while inside, fireworks went off. _

"_And I'm right here to catch you." because in truth, I had already fallen for the blonde laying next to me._

_She knew that. She didn't need me to say it. _

_She snuggled into me and whispered, "you're the only one I'd want to catch me."_

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She told me she couldn't date a partier.

So I gave it up.

I had to leave her for six months, and I hated it. I hated that I couldn't say goodbye, I hated that Kyla told me she was miserable, I hate that it has to be six months. And I hate that she doesn't even know. I wish she could know I love her, and I didn't leave our relationship. Ethan told Kyla not to tell Spencer where I was, and they cut me off from communication here, because they think it'll set something off in me to relapse.

I needed to keep focused on Spencer. She is the reason I'm doing this. She wants me to get better. I need to get through it. I'm going to get through it, for her, for us.

She didn't like the lifestyle I was leading because it was dangerous.

And she was right.

I was a heavy drinker, and I was sometimes caught up in drugs. It was unhealthy and extremely dangerous.

Sometimes I'd wake up in random places and forget where I was.

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_I woke up in the hospital where she was crying next to me, it was the most painful thing I'd ever seen. Spencer was broken, and I couldn't even fix it. _

_When she saw I was awake she almost had a fit, so many emotions passed through her face, and I guess the message was sent to her arm to slap me._

"_Ashley, how the fuck could you do that to me?" she screamed, voice raspy and tears flowing from her eyes. _

_Then her face was nuzzled into my neck, she broke down. I couldn't find my voice to tell her I was sorry, or that I love her. My arms were attached to IV's and were immobile. _

"_Don't you EVER do that to me again Ashley Davies, or I swear…" she said into my shoulder. _

_I wish I could move my fucking arms to hold her. I finally found my voice to respond. "I'm so sorry Spencer. I love you. I-" I was cut off by her lips. _

_She pulled away and her eyes almost burnt a hole through my head. "Please, don't do that to me again, I can't take it."_

_That's when I decided to go to rehab. Paula came in and told me I could have died if Aiden didn't find me in time, which only made Spencer cry more._

_I hated seeing her cry._

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I figured since I got a few awes reviews I'd give you the next two chapters, and now that I have, you must wait untill the next ones mold themselves :)**

SPENCER'S POV

* * *

"Ashley!" I realized I was frantically screaming her name, I felt like I was stuck in a horror movie.

She was leaving me.

It had to have been a dream.

But it was the furthest thing.

It was a nightmare.

It was my reality.

I woke up with a jolt. She was nowhere in sight, I didn't expect her to be,

I just hoped.

But she was really gone.

Where she went, I don't know, but she was nowhere remotely near me, where I needed her.

She up and left a few months ago, for the umpteenth time, and I didn't know how much more I could take.

First I had to watch her almost die, and then she disappears, with no word on where she's going.

Real nice right?

Usually she'd come back, and I'd randomly see her when I woke up, or the next day in school. Sometimes high, drunk, or hungover.

I was fuming mad every time, but I still loved her with every inch of my being, and that's what kept me coming back, then waiting again…

She had me on a fucking yo-yo.

* * *

Ashley…

What to say about Ashley?.

Besides the fact she was my first real friend in L.A

My first confidante,

My first girlfriend,

And she wasn't just the first, she was the best.

Carmen was a snake, I saw that. So was Kelly.

All they wanted was sex, or something else from me. They were never really there. Not like Ashley.

Ashley saved me, so many times….from so many things, and I did my best to save her too.

She was a hard one to crack.

But I guess I got through, because we fell in love.

She fulfilled the wish I left on that video camera.

I wanted a better experience with someone who loved me.

And oh, she loved me.

As much as I loved her.

As I still love her.

I really just hope she's okay, wherever she is.

Her little 'vacation' had been on for about six months long now. She hadn't called or anything. She did this before, but she said that was it.

I guess she lied.

I hated when she lied.

No one else had heard from her either. I figured she'd at least call me…

Wrong again.

It was sad, Kyla didn't even know where she was. Her own SISTER.

It really sucked sleeping alone.

People always came by to hang out, and I went to hang out too, but it wasn't the same when she was gone.

Not waking up to her, not falling asleep in her arms, protected.

I felt like a vulnerable, scared little chicken.

I don't know why she keeps doing this to me. Her girlfriend. The one she claims to love….

Why?

I ask myself every night.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

ASHLEY'S POV

* * *

I was finally coming home from rehab. Spencer was in my dreams every night, but I was upset she wasn't there in the morning. And I couldn't call her or anything. Rehab sucked. I had withdrawals like mad. Drug withdrawals, alcohol withdraws (I know, I didn't think it was real either) and most importantly, Spencer withdrawals.

Kyla picked me up from the airport and naturally, talked my ears off, asking me a million questions. Good thing most of them involved "Yes" or "No" as answers. She filled me in on the past few months, her and Aiden were dating, and fighting. (big shocker.) Glen and Chelsea were stronger than ever, even with her in Paris (no surprise). Arthur opened a restaurant (really, I could have guessed all of this.) Paula was still a doctor, welcomed Kyla with open arms (as Spencer's only real best friend around), they asked about me on occasion… Kyla hated that she couldn't tell anyone where I was, and that I was doing okay, (apparently she was contacted every month by my counselors, her being my only family.)

"Does she know I'm coming back?"

"No, she doesn't actually. I didn't know if you wanted me to tell her. I haven't told anyone."

"Good." I simply said.

We pulled in to the parking garage of our loft and I ran upstairs with my bag. I needed to see Spencer. But, I have to go to Ethan first to get my phone, he's been taking my messages and paying the bill this whole time.

It feels good to be driving around in my Porsche with the top down. It's been so long. When I reached the studio, Ethan greeted me at the door with a hug, my phone, and a notebook. The first page was a letter from him, and it continued to caring words from my staff. Then finally, my messages and news on what's been up in the studio. Spencer was the one to call and text most. I was hoping so. Though towards the end, her texts got more painful to read, then they just stopped, three months ago.

"Uh, Ethan, did you ever text Spencer back or anything?"

"I told her you didn't have your phone, and that I'd relay all the messages. I guess she remembered, or maybe she forgot?…I don't know Ash."

"I have to go, I'll see you later. Thanks for everything Ethan."

As I was leaving, I heard him almost whisper "Good luck."

* * *

I was honestly terrified to walk up to her front door. Part of me just wanted to call her, but I was here now, and I know her parents didn't hate me, and if they were to answer, I'd explain everything. But I needed to see Spencer. I needed to explain to her before anyone else.

Walking up the Carlin drive felt like walking the green mile. What if she slams the door in my face?. What was I gonna do?.

I hesitated before knocking on the door. Mrs. C opened the door and I exhaled in relief because she welcomed me in with a warm motherly hug. She offered me to sit in the living room to join her and Mr. C, naturally asking me questions. The first one, was the one I knew was gonna come soon. The Carlins were not ones to beat around the bush.

"So, Ashley, where have you been?" Paula asked, as if it were a topic we'd discuss over coffee.

"I, uh, I was in rehab."

Arthur was the one to suddenly speak next. "oh?. I'm glad you had strength to get through that. I know a lot of people that couldn't even bring themselves to admit they had a problem, and you conquered it at 19. I'm proud of you Ashley." he gave me a genuine smile. I knew he'd be the one to understand, being a social worker and all.

"I'm proud of you too Ashley, does Spencer know?" Paula asked

"I, um, I came here to talk to her, I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone and I haven't had my phone until today. How is she?"

"Maybe you should ask her yourself." Arthur said, motioning to the top of the stairs, I followed his line of sight to see where his daughter was standing. I wonder if she heard the whole thing.

"Spence…" I said, barley a whisper.

"Hi." was all she said. She made a hand motion to come upstairs.

I turned back to the elder Carlins, "It was really great seeing you guys." and made my way up to Spencer's room.

"Did you really go to rehab?" I heard her say from her closet.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you during the whole time, and I couldn't even say goodbye. I wanted to, but after that day in the hospital it was one of those last minute choices."

She walked out and it was the first time I really saw her in six months. Followed by her almost jumping me.

"I've missed you." She said into my neck.

"Spence I really missed you too. I'm sorry I put you through such hell, but I'm better now. I went so I couldn't put you through that anymore. It was hurting you, and it took me forever to see it. I'm sorry."

"You went to rehab for me?" she said with a slight smile creeping on her face.

"Yeah. I did, I did it for you, I did it for us. I'm sorry it took so long."

"It doesn't matter how long it took. That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. I…I love you Ashley."

"I love you too Spencer."

As if seeing her and hugging her wasn't enough to fix my six month Spencer withdrawal, she told me she loved me, and she kissed me.

My Spencer withdrawal has been cured.

Almost.

But that's for another day.

* * *

That night Spencer snuggled into me, "Thank you." she said softly.

"For what?"

"For not being a heavy partier anymore, for going to rehab. It'll give you more time to be around, and give us more time to be with each other. Partying that much was really dangerous. I was always so scared when you went out."

"Scared of what?" I asked, absentmindedly playing with her hair.

"That you'd drink too much, or get into an accident, or something. It was just scary. It reminded me of the time you were in the hospital, before you left, I was so scared. I didn't think you'd make it. It broke my heart."

"I know babe. That's what woke me up, when I saw you crying at the hospital, when I realized I almost died. I can't leave you, not like that. I won't leave you Spence."

She leaned in and kissed me again before we drifted off to sleep in each other's arms, right where we belonged.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- so this is the next chapter you guys!. woot!. XD.**

**more shall come. tis brewing in me head at the moment.**

**enjoy.**

**you know who this is for. :]**

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ASHLEY POV

_Six weeks later_

Ugh, I so do not want to get up.

It's way too early for this shit. Rehab had me on this epic sleep schedule, plus there wasn't a chance of talking to Spencer until we fell asleep. So I'm up at the ass crack of dawn for no reason whatsoever. I should probably go get some coffee or something. I got out f bed and walked over to the closet, just putting on a random pair of jeans and one of my dad's old button up flannels over my tank top and boxer pajamas. I haven't had my coffee yet, don't judge me. Maybe I'll head off to see Spencer or something after I hit the studio. I had to dive right back into work after I got home, and it was so tiresome.

I decided to call Spencer to go out to do something after I got out of the studio. She told me Kyla and Aiden dragged her to Grey's to hang out. I know, it's a bar, and it's probably a tempting situation, but I know I can resist alcohol and the random drugs that travel around the regulars.

I've just been so busy with work, I had to go visit Spence and the gang and have some fun. I'm just gonna go straight from the studio. I don't need to be impressing anyone today. I'm too lazy to go home and change.

_----------------------------_

_At Grey's_

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So I walk into Grey's to see everyone in the VIP section. Spencer's already got a few drinks in her. She's stumbling around making a complete ass of herself. Oh, how I miss those days…wait, what?, no. no I don't miss it, I don't need to drink, I have to remember that. No drinks.

"HAY BABY!" I heard Spencer yell, oh god, she's trashed. This is so not like her. I can't be around her. She reeks of vodka. She knows what I just went through, and now she's torturing me. She wrapped her arm around me and tried to pull me over to the others. Thankfully Glen saw and came over to grab his sister.

"I'm gonna go sit and talk to Kat. I'll see you guys later. I can't be around Spencer, she's hammered." I told Glen, he nodded, but Spencer spoke, "what?, where's Ashley go-going?, she just got here." she stumbled back to the couch and hit Aiden's lap. Usually, I'd get pissed, but he's got Kyla now.

I sat down at the bar stool I was all to familiar with at the far end of the bar. Kat handed me a coke without question. "Thanks, you know me well." I smirked. Kat was a great friend.

"So, how've you been?…" she asked, but Spencer interrupted.

"Ashley!, I've missed you!" she kissed me and I was overwhelmed with the taste of Sky vodka and orange juice. Made me want one. No. I pulled away and shook my head of the thoughts.

"Spencer, please, don't."

"What is it?. Do you not want me?. Is it someone else?. I know you have someone else, you always have chicks in the bathroom here right?. Is it her?." she pointed to Kat, who had walked away to tend to someone else. Before I could respond, Spencer cut in again. "I KNEW IT!. See I knew you being away meant something bad."…y'know, I would have been a lot angrier if she were sober. She kept slurring her words and shooting random accusations at me. It was kinda bothersome, to be honest.

But she randomly pulled a completely "sober" poker face. "You're cheating!" she poked me in the chest. How much has she had to drink?. Jeez. NOW it's agitating.

"Spencer, I love you, why can't you just understand that?"

"Because Ashley, you're flirting and making googly eyes at everyone you see!" she went to tuen and leave but I grabbed her wrist and spun her around.

"Spencer, stop. Why are you always doubting me?. I mean jesus, it's like I can't make or have any friends because you're getting jealous, I love you and only you and I feel like a piece of shit because you never believe me. Fuck, Spence, please tell me what I have to do!."

She didn't answer. She just pulled her wrist free and ran the other direction. Well, stumbled.

Then, she kissed Carmen.

What the fuck?.

I think this calls for a fucking drink. Because I must be dreaming. I did NOT just see Spencer kiss Carmen.

There's no way.

I spun around in the stool and yelled for Kat. "I need a shot. I don't care what it is. I need something."

"No, Ashley, Kyla told me about rehab. I'm not serving you alcohol." she was dead serious.

I spun back around to see Spencer sitting next to Carmen,

"Fuck!. Son of a bitch!". I knew Kat was only looking out for me, but this is important!. I just witnessed my girlfriend cheat on me with her abusive bitch of an ex. It took everything in me not to beat Carmen's ass.

I downed the rest of the coke and grabbed my keys.

Kat stopped me, "Ashley, look, I know it may seem like you need to drink, but you really don't. Just don't do something you'll regret."

I could only nod and push out of the club.

I finally got to the loft and dug through Kyla's alcohol cabinet. Usually I had restraints not to go in here, but I just needed to.

This is stupid. This is stupid and I shouldn't do this.

But I need to.

I pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and sat it on the table in the living room. I kept pacing the house, grabbing a cup in the process…. I should drink, I shouldn't drink, I need a drink.

I slammed the cup down next to the bottle and just stared at it, an internal debate going on in my mind.

Spencer. Cheated. With. Carmen.

Right. In. My. Face.

I need a drink.

I don't know how long I'd been staring at the bottle, but Kyla had come home. She grabbed the bottle from in front of me,

"What the FUCK Ashley?!. Were you going to drink this?"

I shook my head no.

"Look, I know what happened with Spencer. Aiden brought her home. Carmen's gone. But seriously Ashley. You spent six months to kick the addiction and you were about to throw it all away. You've worked way too hard to get sober. Don't let Spencer's drunken mistake fuck all that up."

Kyla was right.

"Sorry Ky, I just, I didn't…"

"I know Ash." She put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

This is just ridiculous. What am I gonna do about Spencer?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- this is mostly a, kinda, 'filler' chapter. it'll progress. I promise.**

* * *

SPENCER POV

* * *

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

What the hell is that and why is it so damn LOUD?.

Oh, my alarm. I slammed the snooze button and lifted myself off the bed.

Well, tried to.

Talk about vertigo.

I feel like shit.

Has to be a hangover.

I remember going to Grey's last night, and….then I draw a blank.

But I'm home?…

How?

Oh god my head hurts.

Ooh, there's aspirin, water and a note next to my bed.

_Spencer, _

_Call me when you wake up._

_Kyla._

Did she get me home?. I guess.

I picked up my phone to see it was about 11 in the morning. Kyla should be up, right?.

We're about to find out.

_Ring, _

_Ring,_

_Ring._

"Hello?"

"Kyla?"

"Spence, how are you feeling?."

"I feel like Chuck Norris kicked me in the face."

She chucked, "Ouch, that bad huh?. Well serves you right Spence."

"Oh god, Kyla, what did I do?…" I rarely got drunk, and when I did, it was BAD.

"Uh, well, I…uh…"

"Spit it out Kyla!."

"Are you sure you wanna hear all this?"

"I'm scared, but yes."

"Well you had about 5 shots, and endless beers and some screwdrivers. Then whatever sips you took of everyone else's drinks… then, you kinda almost made my sister relapse, and then you made out with Carmen, in front of her face, and almost seriously had her relapsing. She had the bottle out when I got home."

"Oh my god, Ky, she didn't…?"

"No, I did say ALMOST. Pay attention Spencer. "

"Oh god I'm so stupid!. Is she okay?"

"She's in her room" she sighed,

"Should I call her?. Or come over or something?"

"Well, you are in no condition to drive, Aiden had to carry you home and you were really hammered, I bet you have a wicked hangover. I'll have him swing by your place in about a half hour, and we can all figure this out here or something. Spence, I dunno what you can do, she's really upset. Not just with you and Carmen, but mostly herself, she almost lost control."

"Damnit. What am I supposed to do?. I don't want Carmen, I feel horrible. God, I need to talk to Ashley. But I dunno what to say. Fuck."


	6. Chapter 6

SPENCER POV

* * *

I had to head over and see Ashley. I need to fix this.

What was I supposed to say?.

I'm here, and I don't even know what to say. Aiden led me into the loft and I wasn't shocked when I didn't see Ashley. Kyla was on the couch, and she pointed over to Ashley's room, which finally had a door, which was closed.

"Spencer, seriously, just go." Kyla finally said. I walked up to Ashley's door, and was still clueless to what I was supposed to say.

I gave the door a few knocks and Kyla came up behind me and swung it open.

Now or never.

"What is it Spencer?"

Oh god what was I supposed to say?.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Well, everyone else has been here already, and Kyla busts in with them. Plus, you knocked."

She was laying on her bed with her eyes glued to some magazine. She didn't even give me a side glance.

"Ash…I…I'm…"

"Save it Spencer."

She was really hurt, I could hear it behind the anger in her voice. I couldn't look into her eyes, they were sure to express the real emotion she was feeling.

"Please, Ashley, can we talk?"

She threw the magazine and focused her eyes on me,

"About what Spencer?. The fact you were a total jealous, drunk bitch last night?. Or maybe that you cheated on me?. Oh, no, how about how close I was to drinking last night?. What is it Spencer?. Which one?. Because I've been thinking about them all?. And I'm pretty damn sure you came here to apologize. As much as I want to just accept it and go on, I can't. you knew I went to rehab, you knew I had a problem with alcohol, and apparently according to Glen, you knew I was coming before you saw me. So please, tell my why you did it, I'd love to know. Because that's the part I just cant seem to wrap my head around!"

She was pissed off. I had never seen her like this. Kyla told me she was mostly mad at herself, but I felt like all of the anger was directed at me.

"Ashley…I…I'm sorry." she raised her eyebrow, "I don't know why I drank so much. And believe me, I hate myself as much as you do. Kyla told me everything this morning," I felt tears pooling over my eyelids down my cheeks. I couldn't stop now. "I regret last night. I regret kissing Carmen, and I don't know how I got away from her and home safe to be honest. All I know is what Kyla told me. And I'm so sorry I put you in that situation, you have no idea, I…just-" I sank to the floor by her door and cried. I really feel like a horrible person. She was over in seconds wrapping her arms around me. "I'm such a horrible person." I choked out.

"Shh, Spencer, you're not. You just had a really, really, REALLY bad night." she chuckled.

"That's no excuse. I almost made you relapse, I cheated on you, I'm horrible."

"Spence," she used her finger to make me look up at her. "I love you, okay?, even with that little, indigression last night….yeah, I was mad, but mostly at myself. And I should really go kick the shit out of Carmen…" her arm tightened around my waist. "But I won't. Not now at least."

"The past six weeks sucked just as much as the six months you were gone. You were always away or busy. I guess I went out to forget it all. I don't know, but you're here now, that's what matters right?"

She nodded, and I lifted myself up to kiss her. She was the first to pull away as she pulled me up so we could go lay down. She pulled off her jeans and button up from last night, leaving her in boxers and a tank, pajamas. "Can't we just forget about this for right now?, We can talk about it later, let's just spend some time together, since we haven't had much time together lately." she said softly,. I nodded.

I was not looking forward to that.

I enjoyed now, laying with Ashley. Especially after last night and the drama that went with it..


	7. Chapter 7

ASHLEY POV

* * *

Spence came by and apologized, but I was still upset with the whole thing.

I loved waking up next to her, don't get me wrong, but this just didn't feel right. I was faking contentment because in reality, I was fighting an internal debate. I tried to enjoy this moment, but I knew we were gonna have to talk about the events at the bar soon enough. I snuggled myself into Spencer's neck and heard her mumble,

"Ash, can't be just be together without it leading to sex?"

What?. Where did that come from?

"I'm not leading it anywhere Spence."

What is with her?

She got up and went to the bathroom, without a glance back at me.

This was an awkward moment at it's finest.

"What is wrong with us?" I hear her say.

"I was wondering the same thing."

I hope this doesn't go where I think it's going.

"Do you, uh, do you think we need to take a break?"

Shit, there it goes.

"A break?"

"Yeah, so we can I guess, settle all this out in our heads, or something." she was leaning on the frame of the bathroom door, talking to the floor. "Maybe, it's for the best. I don't want to break up, I just, can't deal with all this… awkwardness going on."

All I could do was nod. I knew something like this was coming. We needed to deal with things separately, and when we got back together, IF we got back together, we could figure it out together. We still love each other, there was no doubt, but we needed space. I was still upset, she was confused, I saw it in her face.

It broke my heart,

But this is for the best.

…Right?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- oh god so I think I pissed some people off in the last chapter. lol. I'm sorry. it just, came out. I was not planning on that happening, but it basically wrote itself. my head is a weird ass place. lol.**

**I'm sorry I broke your heart Rockstar. lol. I hope I can fix it soon! :D**

KYLA POV

* * *

Spencer bolted out of Ashley's room and out of the house. Naturally I wanted to make sure my older sister was okay. Her and Spence have their share of small arguments, but this seemed a lot worse. Spencer doesn't run out of the house like that for small arguments…

I walked in to see Ashley sitting on her bed, staring at her hands that were resting on her knees. Not crying, good sign, but she didn't even acknowledge my entrance. No 'What Kyla?' no 'Get out Kyla!' no nod of the head, nothing..

"Ash?" I whispered, trying not to startle or upset her.

"Spencer wanted to take a break. But I think it's a lot more than that."

"What exactly happened?. I mean, if you wanna talk about it. Short version, long version, whichever. I'm here if you wanna talk Ash. I could go slap some sense into her if you want…" I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Thanks Ky, I just don't know what's gotten into her. She was crying, then she was fine, then she… dumps me."

"She didn't dump you Ash. She'd be stupid to anyway. She's probably just, lost after the whole rehab then work thing, you guys have had a lot of time apart, actually, I don't get how a break is beneficial." now I was doubting Spencer's sanity.

"I guess it doesn't really matter Ky, she wants a break. I dunno why. But if that's what she wants, then we'll have a 'break'." notice air quotes.

She threw herself down on the bed and sighed.

I've never seen my sister like this.

"Do you want anything Ash?. And are you gonna be okay?. You know if you need anything you can talk to me, or even Aiden…we love you ya know."

"I know, I love you too Ky, and no, I don't need anything right now. Thanks though. I'm just gonna try to write a bit." she grabbed a pillow and put it over her head. "Later" I heard her muffle into the pillow.

I really hope she's gonna be alright.

I walked out and headed to the living room where Aiden was sitting.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Spencer wanted a break, and she's just, not there. She's not crying, she's not dealing, she's just, kinda empty. And it's scaring me. She said 'break' then 'she dumped me'. it's like there's a blurred line in those words. She's convinced her and Spencer are over…I don't know how to help her Aiden."

"Ky, you gotta give her some time to digest it, and I guess she's dealing on a different schedule, in her own way. I just hope she doesn't do anything stupid."

"SHIT Aiden, we need to get rid of the alcohol!."

"Kyla, chill. Give her more credit than that. She didn't drink the other night, and she knows it'd be a mistake. Just keep an eye on what you have. Just trust her Ky. She can do this." he was being surprisingly calm, but I knew he was a little worried too.

No one knew how Ashley took things like this. She'd always been secluded when bad things happened.

But Spencer was different. I think they were seriously in love. And the fact Ashley's convinced it's over makes me more nervous that she'd dive into the alcohol.

This is gonna change the both of them.


	9. Chapter 9

SPENCER POV

* * *

This was not going to be easy. I love Ashley, really I do, but I just, don't think we're working right now. I fucked up, and both of us are hung up on it. We both hate ourselves. I just cant look at her, knowing that all of that pain and anguish is because of me.

I need to do something to forget, to get my mind off of everything, at least for a few hours.

I picked up my cell phone and scrolled to see who I could call. Scanning the A's I passed Ashley. She was the only one I wanted to talk to, but I couldn't. and I hated it. It was the first day of this 'break' and I was already impatient. I couldn't call Kyla or Aiden, they were always together or with Ash, plus, hello, Kyla is her sister. Glen and Chelsea maybe?, isn't it lame to hang out with your brother and his girlfriend?. Well I could just call Chelsea and pull her away from Glen for a bit, I need a friend. I felt bad because Glen would be bored and upset without her, I was putting him in my current shithole emotion. I can't do that to him. Now I have no one to call. Damnit.

Movie night at my house?. No, I'd want Ashley to snuggle with. Since when did my life become one with hers?. Damnit, this is impossible.

But…

There's always the liquor cabinet…

And Ashley wasn't going to be around, so I won't be a danger to her,

And I mean, we're on a break right?.

I just need to stop thinking about her and how much I fucked up.

* * *

A month and a half later, I'm still as lost as I was the first day of this break. Am I supposed to go see other people?. Am I supposed to break those peoples hearts because I don't and probably wont ever love them?. What if I sleep with someone else and say Ashley's name?.

I did all that and more.

Fuck.

I'm a horrible person.

Is Ashley seeing other people?.

More importantly, is she drinking again?/

Damn I'm so stupid!. This was a stupid choice.

SHE should have been the one to break it off, not me, she should be pissed at me, she should hate me. But I know Ashley, and I know she wouldn't. and it makes it all so much worse. I've royally fucked up and she doesn't hate me.

DAMNIT. Why does she have to be such a great person?

Why did I fall in love with her?

Why did I HURT HER?!?

The fuck is WRONG with me?!

How long are these breaks supposed to last?. I can't take it anymore. I know we're supposed to be figuring everything out, and I have. It took me random drunk hookups over the past month and a half to realize she's the only one I want, and that these breaks were useless.

It was the pain in Ashley's eyes the day we took our break to tell me she just wanted me to be happy.

Well, she was the only one that could make me happy.

I just hope she still loves me, after all I've done.


	10. Chapter 10

ASHLEY POV

* * *

Spencer hasn't called me for like, three months now. How long was this break supposed to be? It's driving me insane. When she suggested it, I figured she'd quit and come back after the first week or something. She proved me wrong. I wonder what she was doing, and how long she planned on dragging this out for.

Maybe she's getting piss ass drunk and kissing random bitches again. I squeezed my hands into fists at the thought, but relaxed. We're on a 'break' she's perfectly able to do whatever she wants.

And I'm perfectly able to be insanely jealous. Break or not, I love her.

I walked out to the living room to see Aiden sitting on the couch, waiting for Kyla, as usual.

"Sup Aid?"

"Waiting for Kyla to get ready so we can go do something today. How about you?"

"I was actually gonna go to grab some lunch, of you guys wanna join me…"

"Really?. I'd love to, we just gotta wait and run it by Kyla, see if she'd come."

"You really love her don't you?"

"Yeah, I really do." He smiled at me, then asked the inevitable question, "How are you?"

"I guess I'm alright, I could be doing a lot better. I mean I've had plenty of time to deal right?" I chucked. "it's just, weird, ya know?. Her not being here, not calling me…" *shrug* "If she comes back she will. If not, I just hope she's happy." I hated that, and I hated that it was true. I would give up the love of my life, just for her happiness. Masochist much?

"It'll all work out Ash." he responded, then Kyla came bustling out of her room. She stopped when she saw me. Aiden spoke up again, "do you wanna go out with Ash to lunch?"

"Of course! Where are we gonna go?"

"I really don't care Ky, anywhere's fine. I was just gonna drive around town and look, but I saw Aiden was still in and I thought we could all go together."

"Yeah, Ash, let's do it!" Kyla seemed extremely excited for lunch, like she was on speed.

Maybe it's because after everything, I'd been distant, I decided it was time to just deal and live life.

Remember, masochist.

We ended up going to some random restaurant in West Hollywood. It was a pretty relaxing, yet fun day…

Until I saw Carmen.

I decided to ignore the fact she was there and continue my good day. It brought back memories of Spencer. Kyla saw Carmen and thankfully decided it was time to leave.

We did some random shopping, had a pretty good day overall…

But when we got home, Kyla was being a little weird. Her phone rang, and she wouldn't tell anyone who it was. She just gave Aiden this look and ran into her bedroom. Wouldn't he be suspicious? What if it was another guy?… he seemed pretty chill, until he challenged me to Guitar Hero… he's just mad coz I kicked his ass. That's what happens when you face a guitar player at a guitar game.

Kyla came out of the room and just watched me kick his ass, she was silent the whole time. So not like her.

Then after I won the third song, she decided it was time for her and Aiden to go to bed. Damn he was whipped. It was kinda funny.

Finally, first good day in three months.

I was jamming out to a Muse song when the doorbell rang. Damnit. So much for the high score on one of the hardest songs.

This better be quick.

I paused the game and walked over to the door, plastic guitar still in hand.

Reluctantly pulling open the door to see…

"…Spencer?."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- this is really short, and I know this is still proally pissing some people off, or breaking some hearts, and I'm sorry. but, I am getting somewhere, I promise,**

**snowdrop1026- thanks for the detailed review. 'it' is in the cards as of now. :)**

**much love to my rockstar.**

* * *

KYLA POV

* * *

I heard some talking in the living room, I walked out to see Ashley, she wasn't in her room!. Yes!. She wanted to go to lunch, of course we'd go! There's no way I would pass this moment up. We had an extremely fin day, even with the little sight of Carmen. Ashley didn't seem phased by seeing Carmen, but we had to leave the restaurant early.

We spent hours doing mindless shopping, and random things.

After our fun day, I got a phone call, from Spencer.

I looked over at Aiden and he must have known who it was, because he turned to Ashley and offered to play her in Guitar Hero…I know he's gonna lose.

I spun around and headed over to my room to talk the phone call,

There was lot of yelling back in the living room and I was guessing someone, meaning, my boyfriend, was getting his ass kicked at the video game, by my sister.

Ego killer.

I flipped the phone open and brought it to my ear,

"Kyla?" I heard Spencer's voice breaking,

"Yeah?"

"I, um…is Ashley home?"

"Yeah, she's in the living room with Aiden, why?"

Silence.

I looked to see there was no one on the other line. Spencer hung up.

What the hell was she gonna do?.

I quickly went back out into the living room to tell Aiden that he should come to bed, I needed to talk to him.

* * *

"It was Spencer, wasn't it?" he asked as I shut the door, I could only nod.

"What did she want?"

"She asked if Ashley was home, and then hung up."

There was the faint sound of "Knights Of Cydonia" playing in the background, Ashley was still playing the video game.

Then there was a knock at the door and Matt Bellamy's voice was cut off.

Aiden and I stood silent as we heard Ashley open the door, and then we heard her voice. "…Spencer?"

Oh, shit.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- honestly, I dunno why I made Spence the bad guy, but it happened. **

**thanks to everyone for all the reviews. :)**

* * *

SPENCER POV

* * *

"Ashley…can we talk?"

"…about what Spencer?"

"I'm sorry. I know it's been a really long time, but I think we should, try this again. I really want to be with you Ashley. It took so much for me to realize it-" she cut me off.

"What did it take you this time Spencer?, more alcohol?"

"Yeah, and…girls, and drama, and just, endless shit. I love you Ashley. This break was such a mistake…I'm sorry."

"Spencer, stop… as much as I want you, I can't." what?. Was this really happening?. "I can't be with you Spencer. This break was supposed to be us figuring things out, not to get drunk and fuck other people every night just to realize the obvious. I know that we belong together, I can feel it. But you broke my heart Spence. Four months straight."

"Please, tell me what I have to do to fix this." I was almost on my knees begging the brunette for forgiveness.

"I don't know Spence, but I think you should go."

She doesn't mean it. I know she doesn't. I know she's in as much pain as I am, hearing those words come out of her mouth.

She closed the door and I heard her sink to the floor sobbing. I heard Kyla and Aiden rush to her side.

I heard her heart break.

I heard my heart break.

* * *

ASHLEY POV

* * *

I hate that I just denied the love of my live.

But I had to do it.

She needs to prove that she's really in this for the long haul. I can't stand being hurt again.

As I lay on the floor, sobbing, Kyla and Aiden came rushing out. Kyla rubbing my back and trying to soothe me, Aiden taking the plastic guitar out from under me so it wasn't such a bother. He then picked me up and brought me to my bedroom.

I cried myself to sleep that night, as I have been for almost a year now.

After this whole rehab thing, my relationship with Spencer has been the rockiest it's ever been. I went to rehab to help our relationship, but it seems to have broken it further. Was it a mistake?

Fuck this is confusing.

She doesn't like ME going out and drinking all the time, but she can?

She was afraid for me, but she's doing the same shit I used to do.

What has gotten into her?.

That's not the Spencer I fell in love with.

I woke up to my cell phone vibrating in the front pocket of my jeans.

Without looking at the caller ID, I answered,

"Hello?"

"Ash, please, give me a minute to talk to you. Please."

Spencer.

*sigh* "Fine, talk."

"I know, I've screwed up, but I'll do anything to fix it. I just need to know what to do. Can you just tell me what to do?. I love you, so much, and I hate myself for everything I've been putting you through."

"Spencer, I can't tell you what to do, because I still don't even know. You have to figure that part out."

"Okay, *sigh* I don't know what to do either, but I promise I will find something. I will fix this Ashley. I swear. I don't want it to end like this."

"I know, I don't want it to end either. I love you Spence."

"I love you too. Can I call you tomorrow?, it sounds like you're about to pass out."

"Yeah, sure, tomorrow."

"Goodnight Ash."

"Night."

Tomorrow.

I guess it's because I'm a hopeless romantic.

We'll figure something out tomorrow. I hope.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- you guys proally hate me now. lol. but I still love you!. XD. It'll all get better, I promise. I'm hating myself too. **

SPENCER POV

* * *

I need to figure out a way to get Ashley back.

But how?

Would Kyla help?. I dunno. Am I supposed to ambush her?. No, that's weird. She never gave me any idea of what to do, but she really didn't have to. It's my fault for being stuck like this anyway. Fuck this. I'm gonna write something out, maybe send it to her, or just show up at her door and say it. Regardless of how, I was going to do this, no matter what.

I grabbed my phone and scrolled to Ashley's name to text her, *dinner & movie tonight?*

*sure, why not?. time & place??*

*pick me up at 7?*

*you got it.*

Tonight I was gonna work on fixing this.

* * *

ASHLEY POV

* * *

I see Spencer is trying, which is good.

I was almost at her house for our little 'dinner & movie' date, was it a date?

Regardless, I was nervous. I didn't know what she was going to pull.

She wasn't outside waiting, so I got out and went to her door. One knock and it swung open.

"Hey." she said, ever so softly, a big grin plastered on her face.

"Hey." my tone mirrored hers, "so, uh, what are the plans?"

"My dad helped me make lasagna, and I have stocked up on some DVDs, if you're up for dinner and a movie here…"

"Sounds good Spence."

Dinner was great, it was just the two of us, and it wasn't awkward, like I thought it was gonna be. It reminded me of a first date.

I have no idea where we stood now. Were we still together?. Was it still a break?. Were we over?

"What do you wanna watch first?" she asked, as I followed her into the living room. She really went all out, movies were sprawled everywhere and two bean bag chairs sat in the middle of the room with an array of movie snacks and some sodas. I gotta admit, It was cute.

"It doesn't really matter to me Spence, maybe a comedy?" she nodded and picked up a handful of movies,

"Which one?. I have many."

"I dunno. Close your eyes and pick one."

We ended up watching Marley & Me. Neither of us have seen it, but I figured it'd be pretty good, I'd heard a lot about it.

During the movie, I kept sneaking glances at Spencer, sometimes catching her looking at me, which would make her turn around really quick, pretending nothing happened. Her hands kept fidgeting, and it made me want to hold them. But I was resisting. This wasn't a normal movie thing for us, we were in the middle of a weird stage in our relationship.

Towards the end of the movie, I turned to Spencer to see her crying. Was this movie sad?. I couldn't pay much attention. "Spence?" I reached over and grabbed her hand, (in a comforting way). She continued watching the movie. I finally saw why she was crying. This was a really sad movie, but I kept it all inside. I was not gonna cry. Nowhere near it. Maybe if I paid attention…

Before I knew it, the movie was over, but neither of us moved. Tears were still streaming down Spencer's face. We were still holding hands. She turned to look at me, "How'd you like the movie?" I reached over and wiped some of the tears off her cheeks, "It was nice, are you gonna be okay?" she nodded, my hand lingered as we were just gazing in each others eyes, as if nothing has been wrong.

But things were wrong.

That made me pull my hands and eyes away. She looked as distraught as I felt.

I heard her snivel and then ask, "Another movie?"

"Actually, Spence, I think I should go." I reluctantly got out of the chair and grabbed my things off the floor, "Tonight was great. Thanks."

She looked up and smiled. "You're welcome. Thanks for coming. I'll walk you out…"

She followed me to the door, as I was walking out she stopped me and pulled me into a tight embrace. We stood there for a few moments before she pulled away. "Talk to you later?" I nodded and headed out to my car. She was still at the door as she watched me pull away.

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

* * *

_The next day;_

Spencer came over to hang out. There was another moment between us, but it wasn't as intense as when we locked eyes and held hands in her living room.

Who am I kidding?.

I almost slipped and just kissed her. I almost let the past few months disappear.

We had an 'argument'. It was because I wouldn't kiss her or snuggle with her.

It wasn't an argument so much as a painful conversation that covered many emotions and feelings…

Which ultimately lead to an argument.

"_Ash, why?" she asked, her eyes pleading_.

"_Because I'm still trying to figure out what we are after everything. This past year has sucked for us Spencer. You know that."_

"_The first six months were you being gone, the next six weeks, you were busy with work-"_

"_Yeah and the next five and a half months you went around fucking other girls Spencer!. I was in rehab for fucks sake, I was trying to get better for us. And I come home to you being a total drunk!. How was I supposed to deal with that?. You wanted the break Spencer, not me."_

"_But you started this."_

"_I left to get better. I told you that. What is with you Spencer?. First you don't like me drinking, so I go to rehab and come back to you doing almost the EXACT shit I used to do. Hypocrite much?"_

"_I'm done talking about this Ashley. I can't-"_

"_No, you know I'm right. You keep trying to make me look like the bad guy. Why?"_

"_I just…I should go."_

Before I could say anything else, she left. I was sitting here going over the conversation in my head. I couldn't understand her logic. It'd been hours since our conversation, but it felt like minutes.

What was gonna happen to us?


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- really short, but I'm splitting things up. that's why I've been keeping the chapters relatively short.**

**hope you like**

**-----------**

SPENCER POV

* * *

As I left Ashley's loft, the sadness seeped in. I hated that we kept fighting. She was right. She was always right. Why am I trying to make her look like the bad guy when I'm the one doing all the fucked up shit?

I don't want to lose her. And with the rate we're going, I think I might.

All the little 'moments' we have, all the 'almost' moments.

Like the other night at my house, and then tonight at hers. We were so close, and it just didn't happen.

It's all my fault. The break, her pain, all of it.

I finally got home and threw myself onto my bed.

What is going on with us?.

She's perfect, and I keep pushing her away. I keep fucking up and breaking her heart, and I hate myself for it.

She went to rehab for me. And I throw it in her face. I cheated, I drink, I put her in horrible, tempting situations with barley a care in the world. I tried to fix it by going on the most pointless break at the worst time.

And now I yell at her and make her look like the bad guy, all because I'm afraid?. What the fuck is wrong with me?

It was beginning to rain, the faint taps on my partially opened window told me so. It was relaxing, and I was almost ready to fall asleep. But I heard a car pull up and stop in the front of my house. I should probably close my window before rain got in.

That's when I saw the front of her car across the street.

ASHLEY POV

* * *

This is ridiculous. I can't deal with it anymore. The fights were bullshit. The distance, the 'boundaries'

I hopped off my bed and grabbed my keys…

Enough is enough.

----------

I hate driving in the rain. Even though it wasn't that far of a drive, I hated it. There was supposed to be a thunderstorm tonight and for the next few nights.

I was leaning on the hood of my car outside of her house, waiting for her to come down. She had to have seen me by now. Her window was cracked and I parked just so she could see my car.

She ran out of her house and met me across the street.

"What are you doing out here?. It's storming!" she practically yelled, it almost was storming though.

"Spencer…just shut up" I stepped forward and closed the distance.

Our lips collided for the first time in months and it felt beyond amazing. I've missed this.

We pulled apart, "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too Ashley, so much." she pulled me in for another kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N- so I told you guys I was splitting everything up. I have SERIOUS writers block right now, but somethings are floating in my head, and I wanted to give you a recent update. even though it's really, really short. I hope to be back soon with more. till then, I bid thee farewell.**

**I LOVE all the reviews I've gotten for this story, thanks you guys,**

**special thanks to my rockstar and snowdrop1026, who reviewed basically every update.**

**:)**

* * *

ASHLEY POV

* * *

I wasn't supposed to give in so easily.

And I didn't know if Spencer was going to turn around and burn me again.

But I didn't care. We needed each other.

I'm not sure how long we were standing out here, but it didn't matter.

After she pulled away from the kiss she initiated, she was the first to speak.

"What does this mean?"

"I'm not sure Spence, but I'm sure I can't deal with not being with you."

"I'm sorry Ash, about everything."

"Let's not talk about it now. I'm done with the breaks and all the drama."

"Me too. Should we go inside?"

"Yeah…inside…let me just…" I brought my lips up to hers again for another kiss.

* * *

SPENCER POV

Ashley was here. And she was kissing me.

After that fight we had I thought she'd never want to speak to me again. I've been such a rotten girlfriend.

We got changed into dry clothes and laid down on my bed, she pulled me in to cuddle.

I'd never felt so content.


End file.
